如今，世界动荡不安，一些“不法分子”作恶多端，总是有意或无意地犯下一些“滔天大罪”。雅思大法官终于看不下去了，派遣专业特警将“不法分子”一一抓获，并将他们犯下的七条罪状全部公布，加以分析和判刑。
罪状一词汇滥用
【犯罪经过】
A: Do you think it’s useful to planyour time?
B: I think it is very usefulto make a plan. However, I think things in the world will always change,so sometimes we have to change our plan and make anotherplantemporarily. And I think sometimes we even have to postpone the thingsweplan to do.
【罪状分析】
词汇严重重复，严重影响英语词汇多样性。重复的用词包括一些非常常见的词，如：useful、plan、think和change。现判回答者五年有期徒刑，并规定其将useful改成beneficial、helpful、practical等词，将plan改成schedule、timetable、arrangement等词，将think改成believe、suppose、guess等词，将change改成alter、modify、adjust等词，刑满释放。
【犯罪经过】
A: Do you likerainy days?
B: I don’t likeheavy rain, but I likelightrain. The reason is that a heavy rain will make every event lessenjoyable. And it might be difficult for people to go outside when there is a heavyrain. However, a light rain might clear the air and make citiescleaner. When there is a light rain, I would feel very comfortable.
【罪状分析】
回答者无视英语词汇多样性，肆意重复使用一些词汇，如：like、heavy rain和light rain。现判回答者五年有期徒刑，并规定其将like改成enjoy、prefer、to my taste等表达，将heavy rain改成shower、downpour、soaker、drencher等词，将light rain改成drizzle、sprinkle等词，刑满释放。如果能将like改成cup of tea, behooked on, groupie等表达，能将heavy rain改成rain cats and dogs, come down in buckets等表达，减刑两年。如果擅自将heavy rain改成big rain, 将light rain改成small rain, 加刑三年。
罪状二中式表达
【犯罪经过】
A: How do you feel when you are late for agroup activity?
B: I would feel that I am the only one to pulleverybody’s leg. As a result, in the activity, I would be very careful toavoid make the other group members angry.
【罪状分析】
回答者不仅表达极为中式，还将原义为“取笑某人”的“pull one’s leg”误以为“拖某人后腿”，罪上加罪，严重破坏英语形象，判其二十年有期徒刑，并每天反复背诵“拖后腿”的正确表达“hold sb. back”，刑满释放。
罪状三语法错误
【犯罪经过】
A: What is the best way to learn English?
B: If you want to learn English well, alot of practice is necessary.
【罪状分析】
犯罪者没有考虑到英语状语从句中主语一致这一语法点，从而把条件状语从句说错。从句中的主语为you, 那么主句中的主语也应该为you。现判回答者留守改造，直到其能将“a lot of practiceis necessary”改成“you need to do alot of practice”为止，改过之后，便可释放。
罪状四词不达意
【犯罪经过】
A: How do you think we can control thetraffic condition?
B: I think the most important thing is tolimit the number of cars. The amount of cars in China has surpassed 250million.
【罪状分析】
回答者随意用词，破坏英语词汇使用规则。“超过”当然可以用“surpass”, 但“surpass”仅仅指“能力”方面的“超过”，明显不能表示“数量”方面的“超过”。本应判其十年有期徒刑，念回答者自首，将“surpass”改为“exceed”, 特将刑期改为五年。如果回答者将其改为overtake、overstep的话，则要加刑三年。
罪状五不够生动
【犯罪经过】
A: Do you feel nervous before a big exam?
B: Yes, I would feel worried beforea big exam, because if know if I fail the exam, I would be very sad.
【罪状分析】
犯罪者表达不够生动，有意让英语世界变得沉闷。在描述“紧张”或“不安”等情绪时，回答者没有考虑到使用比喻这一表达方法，从而忽略了如“have butterfliesin one's stomach”、“ants in one's pants”、“a cat on the hot brick”等表达。现判其六年有期徒刑，刑满释放。
罪状六俗话太俗
【犯罪经过】
A: What kind of music is popular now inChina?
B: As one saying goes, “Differentpeople have different opinions.” In China, some people like classicalmusic, but others enjoy rock music.
【罪状分析】
用“Different people have different opinions”来表示“萝卜青菜，各有所爱”这句俗语，未免显得俗气，如不将其改为“Tastes differ”, 则将判其一年有期徒刑，如改过自新，可考虑关押一个月后释放。
罪状七搭配混乱
【犯罪经过】
A: Do you like dance?
B: Yes, I like it very much, and I often dancewith the music.
【罪状分析】
回答者明显异想天开，想抱着音乐一起跳舞，不仅搭配错了介词，还犯了恶意骚扰罪。现令其将“with”改为“to”, 并判其三年有期徒刑，外加每天听着音乐跳舞，为狱中犯人解闷，刑满释放。
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