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雅思写作内容混乱无逻辑?作文补救大法在这里

2019-10-10

栏目:考培资讯

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导语:

雅思写作苦手们的作文,往往是为了凑字数写一些看起来很长很厉害但是并不会为作文加分的句子,但是如果不这样写的话,三言两语写完就没话说了,这样的情况该如何补救?本篇新通教育西安雅思写作老师白媛通过实例告诉同学们如果遇到这种问题,应该如何去做。

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在我们很多学生的雅思作文中,经常出现内容混乱,为了凑字数自己随便写的情况,这些都会严重影响我们的分数。今天我们就用一篇学生的作文来看看这些内容应该怎么改。

题目:

 Drivers should pay a certain amount of fees so that they can be permitted to drive out in traffic busy time. Do you agree or disagree?

In these days, traffic congestion has become a more and more significant problem in many big cities which leads to an enduring controversy: the one regarding whether drivers are supposed to be charged in order to be permitted to use their own cars during the busy time. A number people may claim that governments shouldn't charge because they don’t have rights to impose extra tax. However if we take a deeper consideration, we can conclude that it's exactly a suitable solution to traffic congestion. Here’s my idea.

The primary reason is that it undoubtedly alleviates the congestion. Regarding the fees, many people may choose public transportation instead of driving in busy time and certainly cut down the number of private cars. Hence, the stress of the road can reduce effectively, arriving earlier than before. In turn, if the policy not was published, the commuting time will lengthen with the huge and soar inventory of cars. In addition, this situation may also cause the waste of public transportation which optimize improperly.

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The second point is that authorities can use fees to enhance the traffic infrastructures so as to promote the comfort level of commuting. For example, subways are usually regarded as a convenient transportation with a high capacity, transporting people in a faster way at a long distance. Nevertheless, the cost of constructing subways per kilometer tends to almost a staggering number: nearly 100 million dollars. It's a tremendous expenditure for the authorities. They have to charge more from publics to operate the whole urban transportation. In fact, there are numerous methods to promote like renewing buses, decreasing the tickets fees which encourages publics to take public transportation, building bicycle paths etc.

Admittedly, the needs of going out still exist, such idea may cause the stress for public transportation, examining the daunting tenacity of governments.

Therefore, paying fees to be allowed to driving is beneficial for everyone, such as easing the traffic pressures and have more expenditures to alternate transportations. Thus, it's a wonderful way to promote the urban traffic problems.

改后:

In these days, traffic congestion has become a significant problem in many big cities, which leads to an enduring controversy whether drivers are supposed to be charged in order to be permitted to use their own cars during the busy time. A number people may claim that governments shouldn't charge because they don't have rights to impose extra tax. However, if we take a deeper consideration, we can conclude that it's exactly a suitable solution to traffic congestion. Here is my idea.

The primary point lies in the fact that it undoubtedly alleviates the congestion. Given the fees, many people may choose public transportation instead of driving in busy time, thereby cutting down the number of private cars in the commuting time. Hence, the overall traffic volume will be reduced so employees can arrive at workplace earlier than before. On the contrary, if the policy is not implemented, countless cars will be queuing up to work or travel on roads.

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Another point that we should never overlook is that authorities can use the fees to enhance the traffic infrastructures so as to promote the comfort level of commuting. It's manifest that authorities need tremendous expenditure to establish and optimize public transit such as sky trains, overpasses, magnetically-levitated trains, renewing buses, decreasing the tickets fees, building bicycle paths in metropolises. If government could charge fees from the drivers, this kind of financial benefits can be an important source of government revenue, which of course reduces the financial burden on the authorities.

Granted, it may be tempting to argue that if the drivers are subject to high tax, their living standards will be damaged. Therefore, an appropriate rate should be considered.

To sum up, paying fees to be allowed to drive in the rush hours is beneficial since this measure contributes to easing the traffic pressure and bringing more budgets for the government.

红色字体是看不懂的部分,标黄部分是改过的部分。

关于雅思写作就给同学们讲解到这里,希望同学们在练习雅思写作的时候能够扎实的练习。如果英语基础比较薄弱,或者写作部分难以提高,建议同学们可以了解一下我们的英语写作课程。对课程感兴趣的同学,可以拨打 >>>400-618-8866>>>【点击此处】提前预约老师,了解更详细更全面的雅思课程信息,选择适合自己的课程。

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